Summer Daze

Finally my home city of Perth has welcomed summer just in time for the holidays. We live close to the beach so summer holidays involve splashing around in the ocean most mornings. Swimming isn't an easy activity for cochlear wearers. They aren't waterproof and once your hair is wet you can't put the processor back on. However, and that's a big however, Cochlear (the company that makes the implant) have just released the Aqua Ear and I got my hands on one. The Aqua Ear is a moulded plastic bag that protects the processor from water damage. It works the same way as waterproof covers do for cameras. I've tried it in the spa (with a swimming cap to keep it in place) and it was a great success but I kept thinking that I'd forgotten to take something off, that I shouldn't be wearing my CI. Hearing and water just don't go together in my world.
I've yet to try it down the beach as water is not CI friendly and even a drop can damage my processor. The processor alone is worth $8000 so I am VERY nervous to actually put my head under the water to "test" the Aqua Ear. I have ventured into the water though and for a change not been afraid of splashing kids and wayward waves.
It seems that in a time of modern technology and innovations, this was the best era to go deaf!

It's ringing again! Tinnitus.

I haven't spoken about my tinnitus in a while. Mostly because I don't experience it much anymore. However I notice that when I am very tired or stressed it comes back. It's like a little internal warning bell that goes off when I need to slow down.

With the end of the year fast approaching things are certainly getting stressful. I've hosted two big parties over the last two weekends, I've had one child at home sick for a week and now both kids are home for the holidays full-time, assignments due for uni, Steve's 50th birthday which seems to be an ongoing month long celebration, getting ready to take an overseas trip just after Christmas, major stress at work to try and meet financial deadlines to keep everyone's job intact and all the organisation that comes with Christmas with kids. My brain is ringing more than the Christmas bells at the moment!!

I don't have a medical condition as such, I don't need treatment, I don't take medication and I look and appear to be very healthy and "with it". Sometimes this makes it very hard to explain to people that I just need to take time off. The last three weeks I've spent whole days in bed totally exhausted. If I was actually sick, stress related or otherwise, I could claim sick leave and everyone would understand. I'm just not sure that I can get away with "hearing fatigue" leave or "tinnitus driving me crazy and sending me messages to take a break" leave. Maybe I should start a new category in sick leave :)

Annual Report Feature

Here I am featured in the Ear Science Institute Australia's Annual Report 2012. I'm the face of ESIA this year, next year it will probably be Revlon .............

Ear Science Institute Night

Last night I was invited as a guest speaker at the Ear Science Institute to talk about my experience of going deaf and having a cochlear implant. It was a wonderful night attended by many influential people in business, education and research. I met the Chief Scientist of Western Australia who took a photo of me for her Twitter page (I kid you not) and the Principal of the Deaf School of Western Australia who has invited me to come to the school and speak to the children. I was also "featured" in the Ear Science Institute Annual Report. By far the highlight of the event was when a gentleman approached me with a cut out of the newspaper article I had done some weeks ago and wanted to meet me. "It's really you", he said to me while pointing at the article. I felt like a celebrity!!! This is a photo of the gentleman, Alexander Clark, below. Lovely guy and fellow deafie.

Alexander and Jane at the Ear Science Institute Event

My Newspaper Article

I'm Flat!

While it's never happened before but today I find myself in an unusual position. All three of my rechargeable batteries are flat. That means I can't turn on my CI until they are charged which takes about four-five hours. That means today, I'm deaf.
Before I got the CI I would happily go about my day but now that I can hear with the CI I don't like to go out in public, it's just too hard. So today I'm staying home in my silent world until I'm all charged up! Hopefully I'll be charged for tonight because I'm giving a speech as the Ear Science Institute on my personal story of sudden hearing loss and the benefits of the cochlear implant. I have an audience of 100 people and of course the mingle afterwards so it would be handy to be able to hear. I will report back ...............

Fame and Fortune

The media have finally realised my star potential, check out this link:
http://www.inmycommunity.com.au/shopping-and-lifestyle/health-and-wellbeing/Gift-of-hearing-restored/7635826/

The return from Singapore

Singapore was a blast, I had so much fun. We went everywhere and did everything.
It was the first time I'd been away with friends since becoming deaf and there were a few differences I noticed. The first being the isolation between the deaf and the hearing. While it wasn't overly obvious, I still felt a little left out of things because I simply didn't know what was going on. I always had to ask the others "what's happening" just be kept in the loop. This really came to a head when five minutes before we were due to board the plane to return home, one of the girls I was travelling with announced she had lost her passport. No passport, no boarding the plane. This obviously created a huge amount of stress for all of us as we tried to come up with solutions to get home. The worst part from my point of view was that in the panic I didn't know what was going on. I guess that's how children feel most of the time when adults are making decisions for them but the adults don't stop to explain what's happening. This is a bit how I felt, like a child.

I also had a minor panic of my own when my batteries went flat and I had to change them during dinner. I use disposable batteries when I travel so I don't have to worry about recharging my normal ones. I replaced the flat batteries but when I tried to turn the processor on it didn't work. Panic, panic, panic. Thoughts kept swirling in my head that I'd have to go deaf for the rest of the trip, that I couldn't go off shopping on my own or chat with my friends or all sorts of things ........... I tried a number of different things, finally taking the batteries out and replacing them the other way around. Phew, this worked. I experienced a wave of relief. Having had the cochlear implant for a year now I simply cannot go back to being deaf again, not even for a day.

The best part of the trip? When one of my friends turned to me at the end of the long midnight flight and asked if I had got any sleep. "Yep", I said, "slept like a baby with my ear turned off, how about you?". "No", she replied, "there was a baby crying the whole way ....................".

Travel, travel, travel

I'm off overseas again, this time to Singapore for a girls weekend. I'm prepared with my CI ID card, spare batteries and a travel case with a spare ear hook and drying capsule. I'm hoping security will detect my magnet this time for a bit of attention but I suspect I will walk straight through without much fuss. We are taking an overnight flight which means sleeping but I'm not sure if I should take my CI off so I can sleep in quiet or leave it on so I'm aware of what's going on. Hearing people would say leave it on but I just can't sleep without complete silence now! Ah well, I'll report back in three days!!!

It's lost!!!

I had a bit of a drama the other day. I was watching my son play soccer and my battery gave me a warning that I was about to go flat. I took out a spare battery from my purse, changed it over and as I went to put the coil back on my head I realised the magnet was missing. The magnet, the bit that keeps the coil attached to my head had fallen out!! This is a small disaster as without the magnet there is no way to keep the coil on my head and if I don't keep the coil on my head I can't hear. So what followed was a bit of a panic with all the people sitting around me court-side searching for a tiny black magnet half the size of a 5c coin!!! I must admit I did start to panic a bit. Going back to being deaf is no longer an option for me. Luckily, one smart mum realised that a magnet was most likely attached to something metal and found it attached to the handles of my bag, phew!

Anniversary

Today marks the anniversary of my implant surgery and the day that changed how the rest of my life would turn out. Thank you Cochlear, Ear Science Institute, Prof Atlas, mum and dad, kids and husband, I heart you!

Survival!

I survived my birthday, it was actually a great day. I spent the day attending a work conference where I had to give a presentation on higher education. The presentation was fine and at the end I put up a slide with my mobile number on it for people to text me their questions. I've used this strategy a number of times and it has been successful. It saves me the stress of trying to hear the question and allows me to "filter" the questions. It also keeps an audience on task and I usually make it entertaining. After my presentation I was told that there were a few people who questioned why they couldn't just put their hand up and ask a question the old fashioned way. I guess you can't win them all!

Another year gone!!!

Well, tomorrow is my birthday, my 41st birthday in fact. I think the last year has been the most hectic of my entire life; adjusting to my cochlear implant, returning to part time study, full time lecturing (and hasn't that been an adventure!), the kids and husband adjusting to living with a deaf person, the dog and well, just life.
In two days it will be the one year anniversary of my implant surgery. Just those two hours on the surgery table one year ago dramatically changed what my life has become. Imagine if I had decided not to have the surgery (and many people make this decision)? As it turns out, apart from my little daily struggles, my life pretty much went back to normal.
I walked back into my lecturing job (which I love), I still manage my family well (they may not agree with that), I have all the same friends, I still ride my bike, go for runs, go to the beach, I study online, I go to parties and out to dinner ............. in fact I can't really think of many things I want to do that I can't! One thing I can do is turn everything off when I want some quiet. That's the best thing about the implant, I can turn it on and off as it suits me, he he he he he.

Turn it off ......

Have you ever wished that you had a remote control in your pocket that you could use to turn someone off? I've wished that many times over the years. You know, turn your mum down when she keeps asking you to clean your room, turn your maths teacher off when it just gets too hard, turn your husband off when he starts talking about the features of new cars, turn the kid's noise off when you are trying to read the paper ............................................. well, be careful what you wish for because now I have a remote control that can do just that! Ohh, the power!!!!

So excited!

I'm so excited today. I've just come back from an appointment with my other audi (yes, I have two), and she showed me how to use the bluetooth function on my FM with my iPhone. This means that any sound coming from the iPhone can be projected through the FM to my processor. It's wonderful! For the first time in longer than a year I can hold a conversation over the phone! I can also listen to music through the iPhone and I can also connect it up to my iPad to listen to movies and videos. I can't tell you what a difference to my life this will make. I intend to practice often!!!

Health to Prevent Hearing Loss

I'm often surprised how many people have hearing loss. John O'Connor, a fellow blogger, has some useful tips to help prevent hearing loss in his article below:


Reduce Noise

Noise is all around us but for some people, noise is a particularly loud part of everyday life. This includes those who work on construction sites, in gardening or with power tools on a regular basis. The best practice is to reduce your exposure to loud noise as much as possible, but if you cannot prevent exposure to the noise, wear earplugs or earmuffs to reduce exposure.       

Lower the Volume

Many people listen to their music player, such as their iPod, for several hours a day, often at very high volumes. However, listening to music at loud decibels can lead directly to hearing loss. Keep the volume down enough so that you can hear conversations around you. In addition, some iPhone or iPod players have a “Volume Limit” selection under “settings” that allow you to limit the volume at which the device may be set. This will help keep your music at a constant, safer level.

Be Conscious of Your Weight

While you may not instantly associate being overweight with hearing loss, the fact is that if you are overweight, you are at increased risk for pre-diabetes and/or diabetes. Even with pre-diabetes, your risk of hearing loss is more than 30 percent than those without diabetes symptoms. Consult your doctor if you suspect that you are overweight, obese and may have some of the first signs of diabetes.

Make an Appointment

If you feel you are slowly losing your hearing or are already affected by hearing loss, it would be smart to make an appointment with an audiologist.  An audiologist will be able to run you through various tests in order to find your baseline hearing levels.  After determining where your hearing currently stands, they will be able to provide you with tips to protect your hearing or depending on the severity of your hearing loss, prescribe the use of hearing aids to help better your overall hearing.

Work It Out

There is an association with a lack of cardiovascular health and hearing loss. Exercise two to three days a week at least for an hour each time and make sure you are getting your heart rate elevated, which will help make your heart healthy and strong.

Be Careful Cleaning Your Ears

Cotton swabs are great for applying or removing makeup but not for cleaning the wax out of your ears. Earwax is a natural process that helps keep the ear clean and protected from exterior debris and bacteria. If you clean it out using cotton swab, you may actually push the wax in deeper, blocking the ear canal and resulting in hearing loss.

Making some basic healthy lifestyle choices will help you be happy and healthy and may even help you prevent devastating hearing loss. Start making some smart changes today.

Thanks John!

Back with the little ones

Today I had my first day back teaching in the primary classroom since going deaf. I finally bit the bullet and thought that after a year out of the classroom I had to find out if it was something I could still do. I must admit, I cheated a bit as I taught a small group of children with autism who are mostly non-verbal. This makes it easier as I don't have to work out what they are trying to say all the time. Mostly, they sign or use other forms of non-verbal communication which suits me fine. Also, as the teacher, I do most of the talking. I work with three education assistants (wonderful amazing people) that hear things when I don't and being wonderful and amazing they act on whatever it is without a fuss.
So, all in all, I had a great day and can't wait to get back in the classroom again soon. Phew, that's another thing crossed off the list ................................

My Happy 1st Deaf Birthday Lunch.

Lunch out for my 1st deaf birthday 2012

One year deaf!!!

Today marks one year since my hearing went. I remember the day well, like it was yesterday. I woke up feeling dizzy and out of sorts, like I was getting a cold. I'd had had a root canal the day before so thought that was why I wasn't feeling the best. I was also hearing like I was underwater and I suspected an ear infection. I sent a text to work telling them I was taking the day off sick. By that evening I was in the hospital and it would take a month to be told that my hearing loss was permanent. I still remember clearly my youngest son yelling at me "can you hear me?', and I could only just hear him, like a whisper. Two hours later it was all gone and they would be the last words I heard naturally.

Instead of looking at today as a day to be sad and think of what I've lost, I'm celebrating today as my first birthday, the first of my new life. To some extent my life has changed forever and I've had to assume a new identity but there have been so many positives that have come from my life changing experience. They are both small and large; not hearing my husband snore, being able to get complete silence when I need it, connecting with family and friends that I haven't spoken to in years because they wanted to say how much they cared, making new friends as well, and learning more about coping with disability. I've also learnt so much about the human spirit, both mine and that of others.

So today I'm off to celebrate being deaf! Happy Deaf Birthday to me :)

Steve's Report

Well, true to his word, Steve (husband) wore ear plugs to the party. He wore them all night but as soon as we left the party he ripped them out. I asked him how he went and he said he found it difficult to relax and chat to people because he had to concentrate so hard to hear them. I also noticed that he wasn't as chatty as he usually is with people. Usually, he wants to stay at parties until the wee hours but he was asking to leave at 11pm!!! He said he was too tired (from listening) and had had enough. I think I have made my point and I doubt that he ever questions why I'm not enthusiastic about parties anymore!

Empathy please

My husband and I have been invited to a party this weekend. A party is usually a fun event filled with loud music, people chatting all at once, sometimes a band ..................................... sounds like a nightmare to me. I made a fuss, of course, about not wanting to go and Steve got a bit upset saying "why are you making a fuss"? So, to make him understand why, I'm asking him to wear a set of ear plugs the whole time we are at the party. One night without his perfect hearing should give him some small insight into my world, I hope.

Coming back to me!

I'm back in the classroom this week and having a great time. Ironically, I have a few deaf students in my class and one of them requires me to wear an FM. On the first class I set up my FM so I could hear the students and then my student set up her FM so she could hear me (she wears hearing aids) and off we went. Within a few minutes I realised that the bluetooth in my cochlear was picking up her FM waves and was projecting my voice to both her and me. This meant that I was getting both the amplified sound from my FM and hers. This made it impossible for me to concentrate on my teaching so my FM had to go, damn!
As it turns out, not having my FM was OK. I just had run around the classroom and stand in front of the student who was asking a question or making a comment.
I also have a student with visual impairment so I need to keep the classroom dark for her when I'm using the projector to display slides. This means that the deaf students and myself have trouble lip-reading ....................................... it's going to be a fun semester!

Quote

When I first lost my hearing a large number of people attempted to make me feel better by saying "at least you didn't go blind". This was said by people who were neither deaf or blind. The following quote is by Helen Keller who is deaf and blind and therefore the only person (apart from other deaf/blind people of course) who is qualified to make such a statement:

"I am just as deaf as I am blind. The problems of deafness are deeper and more complex, if not more important than those of blindness. Deafness is a much worse misfortune. For it means the loss of the most vital stimulus -- the sound of the voice that brings language, sets thoughts astir, and keeps us in the intellectual company of man".  Helen Keller

Shocking!

The last two nights my husband has been away so I have worn my processor all night. It's not ideal and it's difficult to sleep on the implant side (my favourite sleep side) but otherwise it's OK for a few nights. What I didn't realise is that having the battery running for 48 hours straight has left me over charged, literally. Everything I touch is giving me electric shocks!

I've been tricked!!

Regular readers of this blog will know that I have an ongoing battle with drive-thru fast food outlets. However I refuse to be beaten and as a result I continue to take the kids for their weekly hamburger after soccer training. Tonight my eldest son says to me, "I'll tell you what to say mum". So I place the order and to the questions I can't hear them asking, Jaxon tells me to say either yes or no. When the order arrived I realised that one drink, his, was large and the other, his brother's was small. Looking at the chips, the same. Turns out that when the hamburger joint asked if I wanted to upsize he told me to say yes!!!!!!! I always say no!!!!!!!! It's the first time the kids have taken advantage of my deafness but I suspect that as they become more comfortable with it they will come up with more ways to exploit my disability!

Goal Setting

Since going deaf I've been in a rush to get through my life goals. Mostly they involve study and travel so this semester I have enrolled in a Masters of Education course. I thought that if I studied online it would be easier to cope with the deafness and largely, it has been. There are a few online videos that I need to watch but with my audio cord and the ipad I'm able to hook myself up and hear the videos clearly. The problem I'm having is that my brain seems to work a little slower since going deaf so it takes me a split second (give or take one or two) more to understand what is being said. It's like I hear everything a bit after it's actually said, like a delay. Almost like living my life on Skype!
This afternoon my son asked me a question. I heard it but didn't understand so I waited a bit (while he stared at me) and sure enough three seconds later it came to me, I understood and answered him. I wonder if the cochlear actually hears in real-time or if there is a delay. Nah, just my poor old brain trying to keep up with the world. Bring on the study I say!

Batteries

My camping adventure is over for these holidays and I survived well. My batteries lasted me, just. I'm on my last two disposable batteries and I'm not sure how long they have left before they go flat. The rechargeable batteries give me a 15 minute warning before they go flat but the disposables just turn off. As we are only two hours from home I'm sure I'll make it. Next time I holiday though I'm going to take a whole stash of batteries just in case. I'm also going to design some little battery holders. My rechargeable batteries are $250 each so they need to be treated with a lot of care. They can't be stored together in case the points touch and short out. They also can't be stored in plastic as it causes moisture which can damage the battery. I also need to think about a storage container for when I go to the beach. We went for a snorkel yesterday and I grabbed my mask and ran off to the water realising just in time that I was still wearing my CI. I ran back up the beach and wrapped it in my skirt and then stuffed it into the beach bag. One grain of sand can destroy the processor and it would cost $8000 to replace so again, I need to be very careful. I'm on the look out now for a sand proof, non-plastic small container. Either way, I still had a great time!

Shark!

Well, the whale shark tour was fantastic! We went out to sea in the boat and stopped about half an hour out to have a snorkel. I decided to stay dry and save up my wet hair for the whale shark. When it was time to dive and swim with the biggest fish in the ocean I took off the CI and jumped in. Once in the water, everyone is deaf and as soon as the whale shark swam by I soon forgot about my ear anyway. It was awesome! Every now and then I would look up to see what was happening but that was easy too as the guides in the water and on the boat used hand signals to tell us what to do. Too easy! After the swim I sat on the boat in the sun and my hair dried off enough to replace my CI and hear someone yell, "manta rays, everyone in the water"! Off comes the CI again and in I go to swim with the most beautiful, graceful and playful creatures ever! I had just climbed up the back of the boat when I noticed everyone pointing and looking excited and I turned to see two humpback whales swimming behind my son and husband! Another hour drying in the sun and I had my ear back on for the boat trip back. Loved it, amazing day. When there is so much beauty to see it doesn't really matter about the hearing. Next time though I'm taking a swim cap with me. I've resisted thus far so as not to look like an old lady but I'm going to search for a cool one online.

This weeks adventure!

This week I'm camping. We have arrived in Coral Bay for a week long tent adventure. My only worry is getting sand in my cochlear implant as there is sand EVERYWHERE! While it is lovely and sunny I haven't been for a swim yet so I can keep my hair dry so I don't have to go deaf. We were down at the beach yesterday and I got the warning that my battery was about to go flat and sure enough I went flat and had to wait until we walked back to the tent for another battery. I didn't bring my battery charger with me. I'm using the battery with disposable batteries which are great as they last a few days. It is a bit of a worry at night not being able to hear as I like to listen out for the kids while camping. There is only a sheet of nylon between us and the world after all! Tomorrow we are going out to sea to swim with a whale shark (and hopefully not any other kind of shark!). That means wet hair and wet hair means I can't wear my CI. I wonder if I can plug my hair dryer in on board? I will report back!

Remember Me

My husband is studying at university this year and I'm helping him with his essays. Yesterday, after getting out of the shower I had a few ideas for his introduction for his current essay and rattled it all off. My hair was wet so I didn't have my ear in but that hasn't ever stopped me from talking. So after giving him the gems of my wisdom I was satisfied that we had a good introduction to get started.
Later that evening we both sat down to work on the essay but I struggled to remember a single thing I had said. Usually I've got a good memory for details but I was shocked that I couldn't remember a single thing. I had no idea what I'd said. Steve wasn't much help, he doesn't remember anything I say anyway! It took me until the next day to realise that I couldn't remember my own speech because I didn't hear it in the first place! I didn't really realise how important it is for the brain to HEAR to remember. I haven't until now considered that the cochlear implant gives me more than just hearing, it gives me understanding and memory as well! Valuable little thing.

Deafness can lead to weight gain!

I attended a PD workshop for work today. Around 10am we had morning tea so I dashed off to the toilets and went to the table with the coffee and got myself a drink. I then spied a jar of biscuits and thinking that morning tea was a bit light on, starting shoving cheap biscuits in my mouth (please don't mention this to my personal trainer). Anyway, I'm on my fourth biscuit, wondering where everyone was and one of the organisers comes towards me and asks me if I'd like to make my way to the conference room where morning tea is being served. "Fank you", I splutter through biscuit crumbs trying not to show on my face how stupid I felt. Well, I go to the conference room, where all the other participants are, obviously having heard the morning tea instructions, and spy platters of muffins, fruit and cake. Damn, I'm full of cheap biscuits. To hide the fact I force down the banana bread slice vowing that I wouldn't eat much lunch.
Lunch time comes around and I'm on the ball. I make a sprint for the conference room feeling smug that I have first dibs on the spread. I see platters of yummy little sandwiches and inspect a few to see if they are vegetarian. Happy munching away with a mouth full of salad and bread, the organiser lady comes up to me and says "are you the vegetarian, we have your lunch here" as she hands me a plate of sandwiches that I can no longer fit in my bulging stomach. Sigh. I force down my special order and roll back to the workshop.
Afternoon tea comes around quickly. Down in the conference room they have plates of gourmet biscuits with chocolate and fresh fruit. Oh, what the hell, a few more biscuits won't hurt.

What was the workshop about? No idea, couldn't hear it, but the food was good.

A cunning plan.....

So I'm wanting to order a piece of furniture over the phone from Freedom Furniture but Steve is busy studying so my plead for him to make the call for me falls on deaf ears. Time for an alternative strategy. I get my iphone out and put it on speaker phone, nice and loud. Then I stand really close to Steve. When the person at Freedom answers I look at Steve and whisper "huh?". He says "say hi" and away we go. I'm standing so close to Steve he doesn't have a hope of concentrating on his study anyway so he tells me what to say, I lipread him and answer and then watch him for my next reply.
Anyway, furniture ordered successfully, a team effort I say!

Brain Freeze

I think my brain is confused because I hear during the day and then I'm deaf at night when I remove the CI to sleep. I keep having regular dreams that I can hear at night. I'll dream that I can hear the kids calling out to me at night and I wake up ( in real life), realise that's impossible and go back to sleep again. This dream happens every few nights. I think maybe I'm scared that if the kids do call out to me I won't hear them. I also dream that Steve talks to me at night and I respond, just like I would during the day. This also wakes me up to check if Steve did in fact talk to me and by some sort of miracle my hearing has returned. So far, each time this has happened Steve is fast asleep, snoring silently.

Fitness for the Deaf

Another challenge today, personal fitness training, in a gym, a noisy gym. My work runs a personal fitness program every semester so for six weeks I can get flogged by a trainer in the gym.
While everyone else throws on their gym gear and hits the treadmill, I go through a deaf preparation routine.

Headband to put CI in? Check.
Spare battery in case I got flat? Check.
FM charged? Check.

So I head into the gym and the first thing I hear is the loud music. I don't know what the song is or the type of music, but I know it's music and I know it's loud. So I put the FM on and attach the microphone to my trainer and suddenly all I can hear is her. The FM cancels out the music and I just hear my trainer, clear as day, telling me to do four more push-ups. Hmmmm, maybe it's better that I don't hear her after all!

I woke up this morning

I woke up this morning deaf. Yes, I've woken up deaf every morning since August 11th 2011, but it still makes me stop for five minutes and think about what my life would have been like if I hadn't have got the cochlear implant straight away.
For starters, I woud be better at lipreading and signing. The cochlear implant makes me a bit lazy so I don't lipread or sign as much as I would. I prefer to look people in the eye anyway. I can participate in a normal conversation with one or more people just like a hearing person can.

My job wouldn't be as exciting. I'm working on a big project at the moment, the most important of my career, and this involves daily meetings, something that is very difficult to participate in (let alone Chair) when deaf. Next semester, post-project, I'm back in the classroom and will be implementing a whole host of new teaching strategies to make my teaching fun.

I wouldn't be as social, that's for sure. The cochlear implant doesn't pick up music at parties unless it's really loud so I find it's easy to chat away to friends. I NEVER say no to a social event based on my lack of hearing.

Without the cochlear implant I wouldn't be able to participate in family life the way I do. I'm in the office right now typing this but I can chat with my husband in the kitchen and I can hear my youngest son watching TV in the lounge. Speaking of TV, with my cochlear I can watch TV without subtitles!

OK, there are still things I find difficult with the cochlear but they are things that I can't do at all without it. Like my mum said, with a cochlear I'm ENABLED, not disabled, yay!  :)

The Conference Adventure

My day started yesterday at 8.00am. I was standing on the train platform writing emails on my phone, waiting for the train, and noticed a man standing in front of me. I suspected he was talking to me so I looked up. Sure enough, he was asking directions so I just told him which train was which and he seemed satisfied with that.

The train ride was fine, I couldn't hear the stations announced but I knew where I was so no problems. I then had a 20 walk up the street to find the hotel where my conference was being held. When I arrived my gorgeous work girls had saved me a seat right up the front.
I looked around; about 350 people sitting in a large ball room type space. Hmmmmmm. Looked up the front, microphones, that means I am not going to hear this $300 per head conference. Time to take deaf action.

I grabbed my trusty FM and headed out to the registration area and asked who was in charge. I was taken to see a busy woman and explained to her that I was deaf, using a cochlear implant and I needed to leave my FM as close to the speaker as possible. So she put it on the lectern and told the first speaker that it was there. No probs!

My FM sat perched on the lectuern for the first two speakers and I got terrible interference, like a badly tuned radio. Towards the end of the second speaker I went to the toilet and one of the ladies sitting at the desk outside asked me how it was going with my hearing. I told her about the interference and thought it would be better to have the speaker wear the FM so she jumped up and said "let's talk to the next speaker and ask her to wear it". So we did, and she did, and it was perfect. I could hear everything as if she was sitting in front of me in a quiet room. This speaker then asked the next speaker to wear it and so on.

At the end of the conference there was a question and answer session with a panel of six experts. With 350 people in the room there was no way I could hear the questions being asked. The leader of the panel, a young guy, saw me sitting there with a blank look on my face so he grabbed my FM and repeated every question into it, using it like a microphone, priceless. He then passed the FM to the panel and instructed them to speak into the FM and then he would collect it and either repeat the next question or sometimes he would run out into the audience and ask them to speak into the FM. One of the girls sitting next to me wrote me a note "You are special!".

Of the 350 people who turned up to attend the conference I ended up feeling like I was the only one there. They all made the effort to make me feel included without making a big deal about it. I was so delighted I went up afterward and thanked the young guy for his actions. He replied with a big smile "no problems"!

That's another one ticked off the deaf to do list.

Next Challenge

Tomorrow I'm heading into the city on the train to attend a conference. I will take the FM with me and hopefully I'll be able to hear the speakers and presenters. I suspect this challenge will be a little tricky but I will remain optimistic and if all else fails, I'll fall I'll and go home! I will report.

It really needs to said

I've said before, and I will say it again, it's exhausting being deaf. I guess it would be OK if I was at home most of the time but I'm rarely home. If I'm not at work I'm running the kids around to sports and school events and if I'm not doing that I'm socializing or running errands and attending appointments. I fully understand why deaf people prefer to stay home, it's so much easier! It's amazing how much verbal communication goes on in a single day especially with a family and a job in education. Between the two I would spend almost eighty per cent of my time listening and talking. Before I had the CI, that percentage would be ten. All that listening and responding takes enormous effort and it leaves me completely drained by the end of the day. Having said that, all that listening and responding allows me to lead a perfectly normal life and unless people know me, most have no idea that under the hair is an electronic device that gives a totally deaf person the gift of hearing.

Can you see my CI?

I thought I would post some pictures of what it looks like when I have my CI on. In all the pictures below I'm wearing the CI on the left ear, magnet and ear piece.

Hair Down Side View

Hair Down Front View

Hair Up Side View

Hair Up Front View

A first for everything!

I've mentioned in previous posts about feeling the need to apologize to people because I'm deaf and can't hear them. I know I shouldn't have to say sorry but it seems polite to apologize if I haven't heard someone. So, I continue to say "I'm sorry, I'm deaf, I can't hear you".
The other day I was at the service station and ordered a hot drink while I paid for my petrol. The girl asked what size drink I wanted but I didn't hear so I said "pardon". She repeated the question and again I said, "sorry, I'm not understanding what you are saying". She then replied with, get this, "I'm sorry, I talk funny"!!!! It's usually my fault when I can't hear people, I've never had someone else apologize that I couldn't hear them, loved it.

I made a phone call!!!

Very exciting day today. I made my first real phone call in six months! I've called my family (kids, husband, mum) a few times before but I've not made a formal phone call, too scary.
I used my iphone on speaker and rang Witchery to put a shirt on hold for me. I was nervous that I wouldn't understand what they were saying and that I'd have to hang up but I got through the phone call like a normal person. Such a small thing for a hearing person but such a massive thing for a deaf person. The hearing with my cochlear is getting better and better every day, it's amazing.
Well, that's another thing ticked off my "deaf to do list"!

Surviving Bali

Well, I have returned from a week in Bali, already planning our next trip there I love it so much. We had lots of adventures but let me take you through the airport scene first. There was no scene, no drama, no body searches, no explaining the magnet in my skull, nothing! I turned off my CI, put it in my bag, walked through the security check, picked up my bag and put my CI back on. Steve got checked at both ends while I stood there, a bit miffed from the lack of security attention.

Once in Bali, I just had to remove the CI when swimming. Easy enough, I just didn't get my hair wet (wore it up under a hat, very acceptable in Bali) and put it back on after I got out of the pool.

We did spend one day at a water park so I just left the CI at the hotel and went deaf for the day. This was fine and it was good not to have to worry about it. When Steve and Ayden had an accident half way down a water slide and had to be taken off to have medical treatment it was a bit tricky as I didn't know what had happened or what was going on so I just went with it. Turned out OK in the end.



We also went mountain biking down a volcano and through the villages which was was awesome. The guide used hand signals to indicate to us to slow down, turn, stop etc so that was fine too. I wore a hat under my helmet to keep the magnet in place so no problems with it slipping off. The whole bike ride (2 1/2 hours) was a visual treat so I really enjoyed it.


All in all, I was with the family the whole time so they were my ears for the week. I told Ayden he had to be my ears and he said "I can't". I asked why not and he said "because I'm the wrong shape". That didn't stop him from explaining to everyone " my mum was deaf but then she had a cochlear implant and now she can hear again but not very well, OK". Bless him. x



Family Photo in Bali 2012

Six Months!

I have reached exactly six months since my cochlear implant was switched on. As a result, I had a six month mapping with my audi today. I have made huge 'hearing' improvements and can now hear quiet sounds as well as I can hear loud sounds. It's amazing to think that hearing with a cochlear changes over time.
I requested that my audi turn up the volume a bit more on the implant and this has been great. I hear myself a bit louder now so I speak a little more quietly  and everyone else is that little bit louder. While I still use the FM, I only need it for meetings of more than a few people whereas before I needed to use it for all meetings, even one-on-one.
The six months has also given the family a chance to fall into a deaf routine. We seem to have overcome most of our difficulties and the kids and husband have adjusted their expectations of me. We don't use sign as much but we have our common signs; please, thank you, shower, you're welcome, toilet, that we use all the time.
Other than the daily personal struggles that I face, everything is almost back to normal. x

Travel

My next deaf adventure is a trip overseas. Technically, a trip to Bali isn't overseas to Perth people, it's just up the road, but I still have to navigate the airport at both ends.
As a cochlear implant is an electronic device it needs to be turned off during take-off and landing. This doesn't bother me much as I have the family there and they will tap me if there is anything I need to pay attention to. It's walking through the security gates that will be interesting. I know I'm going to set them off and I'll have to produce my cochlear implant identification card and have a scan etc etc. I hate setting the security gates off as everyone looks and stares and you become 'suspicious'. I'm hoping that the customs guards recognise how hard it is to store drugs or weapons in your skull and let me through quickly. I will report on my return visit.

Wake Up!!

I've had gastro the last 24 hours and spent a large portion of yesterday sleeping it off. My youngest, as a result,  designed a new way of waking me up. Not wanting to touch me in case he caught my germs and knowing I don't have my "ear" on while sleeping he decided the best way to wake me up and get my attention (usually for something trivial) was to either blow in my face or drop a tissue on my face. Both methods had the desired effect and as a result continued throughout the day. It sounds like a nice way to be woken but let me assure you it's slightly unnerving having someone blow in your face while in deep sleep. Still, I was able to sleep for hours on end while the family made as much noise as they wanted. Feeling better today x

Music

One of the worst things about being deaf is not being able to hear the music my pre-teen is listening to .......................... one of the best things about being deaf is not being able to hear the music my pe-teen is listening to...........................................

So much happening in the land of the deaf!

It's been a while since I have posted, sorry. Deaf or not, life is full steam ahead, working full time and the kids/husband/house/dog. However something happened today that I just had to share.
My work have bought me an FM system. My audi calls it a glorified microphone. It comes in two pieces; the mircophone (looks like a remote control), and a small attachment for my cochlear. It is wireless and has bluetooth. I put the microphone on a table or in front of the person/people I'm wanting to hear and it sends their voice/s directly to my cochlear.
I tried it for the first time today in an all day meeting. The first time I turned it on I nearly fell off my chair! It was amazing! The sound is as if the person/people are standing right in front of me and it is crystal clear. For the first time in six months I heard nearly 100% of the meeting, despite the fact that we were in a big room sitting around a huge boardroom table.
At one stage during the meeting I excused myself and went to the bathroom two rooms away. This is the creepy bit, I could still hear the meeting going on two rooms away!! I had a brief thought that they might be able to hear me going to the toilet even though I know it only works one way. I then realised that I could leave it in an interview or something and listen to what they said about me once I had left the room. Food for thought, but for now, I'm going to take it everywhere I go, meetings, appointments, teaching, lunch break, conferences ....................... the world is my oyster once again. Yay!

What you need to know about deaf people ......

Actually, if you have been reading my posts you will already know but I'll list them anyway (this is my personal list and doesn't apply to all deaf people):

1. We need to see your face to "hear" you. We need visual cues even if we aren't lip reading.

2. We are really tired. Commuicating for deaf people takes double the effort than it does for a hearing person.

3. We have empathy for others with disabilities, who suffer pain and face difficulties but not so much for those who complain about minor upsets.

4. We can get a bit touchy. Deaf people need to connect with others just like everyone does so we use our others senses a bit more. Touch and sight are very important to us.

5. Deafness does not effect our cognitive processing. Our brains are fine thank you. Do not lower your expectations of us but don't expect the impossible.

6. We are offended by your frustration with us. Most deaf people don't choose to not hear what you say correctly. We know it's frustrating to have to repeat yourself but you need to learn to do this without showing it. The most offensive thing you can do is say "don't worry" and dismiss us when we don't hear you the first time.  x

New Tactic

The last few days I've developed a new tactic. Instead of saying "pardon" all the time (like 230 times a day), I repeat to the person what I think they have just said to me. Usually it's something so far from what they actually said it gets a laugh and then they repeat themselves without me having to ask them to. This worked well last night, while I attended two parties, a 50th and a 40th. I knew people at both parties so they just laughed when I repeated silly things I thought they said. I'd give you an example but I didn't really understand what they actually said in the first place, even after they repeated it, but it still broke the mood and got a laugh and that's what parties are all about. I may have a new life as a deaf comedian, at least I wouldn't hear if I was heckled!!

Can you see me?

My parents delight in telling a story of when I was little. It's not that funny but I asked, if I shut my eyes can you still see me? Well, this has become more of a reality for me lately as I struggle to hear people I can't see. My husband doesn't get it but I really can't hear unless I can see people. I'm still using visual cues and lip reading and even if someone is close to me but standing behind me, I can't hear them. As a result, I'm now worried about going blind! Don't laugh. I was always worried about going totally deaf and that happened.
I was talking to a friend yesterday who is having trouble with her hearing in one ear. She asked me why she had trouble understanding people when she couldn't see them clearly. I imagine that hearing people use visual cues just as much but don't realise it until they have to rely on them.

The Work Lunch

This week at work was interesting. I had a full week of classes and one of the teaching strategies I use is to stimulate discussion on certain points with my students. This is fine except that I can't hear what my students are saying, or worse, when they are asking a question. To keep the class moving along nicely I often pretend I've heard, make some sort of generic comment, and move on.
However, this wasn't the most challenging thing of my week.

Friday I had a meeting regarding a big project I'm working on. It was a really important meeting and I needed the information being presented to complete the project. This meeting however, was being held in a restaurant, a noisy restaurant. I can hear the collective sighs of deaf people the world over. Yes, they were holding a make or break meeting in a noisy restaurant!!!!

Still, a free feed is a free feed, so off I went. There were four other people dining with me, one had great hearing but a quiet voice, the other had great hearing, the other wore a hearing aid, another had a grommet and had lost hearing in one ear and then there was me with a cochlear implant. I had to explain to the great hearing people (whom we were there to speak with in the first place), that I was lip reading and that they didn't have anything stuck in their teeth.

Anyway, I got about half of what was said and nodded and made some intelligent sounding comments on the stuff I didn't hear. Sometimes I would just agree enthusiastically when I had no idea what was going on. This seemed to work. Now I need to follow up with some of the others in the meeting and check everything that was said. My work now seems to use up twice as much energy and time as it once did. Lucky I don't waste time watching TV anymore!

The Next Challenge

I'd written a long post about how I was worried about attending a live soccer match last weekend and how I wouldn't be able to hear anyone and how lonely I was going to be and how badly the crowd noise would mess with my implant etc etc. Anyway, I went to post it and something went wrong and I attended the soccer without the lead up post to how terrible it was going to be.
I went to the soccer game and had a wonderful time! The crowd noise didn't bother me as I couldn't hear it. I could hear those people standing close to me on my CI side but I couldn't hear the kid yelling at the umpire on my non-CI side. The kids said it was really noisy but it didn't bother me at all. Nobody much wanted to talk to me except the kids (to ask for money to buy junk food) so I just happily watched the game (my team lost) and watched the people walking by. People watching is a favourite activity of deaf people.
Come half time the sky opened and it poured down. My first instinct was to panic about my CI getting wet ($8500 to replace the processor - wouldn't you?). I covered up with my hoodie and my cochlear survived our first rain together.
I must admit, I was delighted to spot a young guy with hearing aids in (I'm constantly searching people's ears for evidence that they are just like me and feel delighted when I spot something) but he seemed more prepared than me and whipped out his rainproof hood. Will learn.
So, turns out that live sport is cochlear friendly, who would have thought?

The Act of Hearing

I've realised this week that I have to make a conscious effort to hear. I have to make an effort to listen, it doesn't just happen. A hearing person just hears, without any effort or particular focus but I can no longer do that. Heaing with the cochlear implant requires complete focus. This was brought home to me this week during a two day professional development workshop I attended. The two days I spent listening and concentrating left me completely exhausted. My brain is so tired I have to fight the urge to go to bed and stay there all day. No wait, maybe I need to give in to the urge just once ...................

What about Steve?

Steve is my long suffering husband. I say long suffering because when he married me and he said the words "for better or worse" I think he was thinking that it would mostly be "better". Anyway, the kids are back at school and sport and with that comes the parent nights, the teacher-parent interviews, school dental appointments, sport registration days, training after school, weekend games and an endless trail of forms that need to be filled out.

While normally I would attend the parent night and attend the interviews and appointments, turn up for sport, and put myself as an emergency contact on all the forms, all that has now changed.

I struggle to hear in any environment that isn't quiet so now, after twelve years, Steve has to step up and fill my "mother" shoes. He already does all the cooking, shopping and cleaning around the house but now he has to take on some of my hearing related tasks as well. He makes all my phone calls for me already but he is now the emergency contact for the kids (well they can hardly ring me can they, I just stand there staring at the phone!). This week alone he has a few nights out with school stuff and two dentist appointments (kids) but he's still taking me out for Valentines Day.
He has a packed schedule but he goes about his jobs as if everything is normal and nothing has changed. Bless him! xx

Can I Still Teach?

Well, I have survived my first day of teaching (tertiary) since going deaf. Not sure if my students can say the same thing!

I taught all day Friday, one group in the morning and a different group in the afternoon. I decided to get the "'I'm deaf" thing out of the way early so to start my session I told them all about myself (like I normally would) and then explained that I wasn't 100% human. This got their attention. I then went on to explain the computer implanted in my head which made me a cyborg (half human and half robot). When I finished my explaination and demonstrated how my CI works I then gave them a few strategies to use when in my class. Raise your hand when I call the roll so I can "see" that you are present. Wait until I move over to you before asking your question (I haven't a hope of hearing them while I'm standing at the front of the room), and always face me when speaking to me. I also reminded them that if they are talking about me behind my back to make sure it is behind my back or I'll lip read them! One other thing I spoke about was to always touch me on the arm or back first before speaking to me rather than call my name.

Anyway, the students all knew about me so I thought I'd turn the tables on them. I could have asked the students what they hoped to get out of the course (yawn) but instead I asked them what made them weird and wonderful. I had no idea what worms would crawl out of that can!!!

I had students share their inner most fears, amazing stories and bizarre things about their bodies (including demonstrations)! One student told me about her experience as a surrogate, one student has pig bone in his leg, I had numerous double jointed students, several that had had near death experiences, several students with strange medical conditions and some with stories that left me with my mouth wide open in disbelief. It was one of the best lessons (and the most fun, boy did we laugh) I've ever taken and I've taught tertiary for 16 years. I think I'm in for an interesting semester!!!!!

Second Day Back

Second day back to work (TAFE), still exhausted but had a good day. I have my first full teaching day on Friday but the small amount of time I've spent talking to the students in the classroom I already know I'm going to have difficulty hearing them.
I've asked my work to purchase an FM system for me to use. These are used in schools for deaf children where the teacher wears a microphone and the students wear a gadget attached to their hearing aid to amplify the teacher's voice.
In my case, I'll wear the gadget on the back of my processor and the microphone will sit at the front of the classroom facing the students. The microphone will transfer the sound (student's voices) directly to my processor, a bit like Bluetooth.
FM systems are expensive but my work seem to think it's a resonable request so I'm excited to think that I'll have this to help me in the classroom.
The next problem is the phone. I can't use a landline so my option is to rely on email and use a mobile so the students can text me. I'm still working on this one but must admit that it's nice not having to stop working to answer the phone all the time. It's also frustrating not having the use of a phone to make a quick call.
So now I'm just getting ready to take my first teaching session on Friday - stay tuned for a full report.

Back to Work

First day back to work today - EXHAUSTED!!!!

My world or yours?

Deaf people often refer to themselves as being part of a culture, a member of the deaf community, the deaf culture. To some extent then, being deaf, just like being a part of any other culture, defines a person. While normally, disability shouldn't define a person, I'm finding that my deafness does exactly that. It has changed my behaviour, my communication, my feelings, my routines, and even to some extent my values and beliefs. It has certainly changed my view of the world and how I function in it.

My deafness allows me to do things that hearing people can't, sleep through loud snoring for example, and stops me from doing things hearing people can, use the telephone for example. It dictates what job I have (call centre operator could be a bit tricky), how I communicate with people (get ready to repeat yourself people!), how I parent my kids (they have to wait until we are in a quiet environment to talk),and also my attitudes (sounds mean but I'm over people complaining about minor stuff wrong with them - how about we trade? Didn't think so). I've become very quiet in large groups, but I'm obnoxiously loud in other situations.

 My deafness is starting to define who I am and I can fully understand why deafness becomes a culture. It's a whole other world, both good and bad, but a whole other world. x

Family Fun?

Some families play charades because it's a fun game the whole family can enjoy. My family play charades because we have no other choice.

 In earlier posts I've mentioned the unnatural need of all my family members to want to speak to me while I'm in the shower or bath. I have young children, I haven't washed in peace for over ten years.

Anyway, I was having a lovely relaxing bath this evening and in jumps the youngest to wash himself. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to guess what he was trying to tell me while he spelled out words in the air, made gestures, hand signals and tried mouthing the words very slowly. I thought he was saying 'a mouse ate my pants in the spa' but it ended up being 'when is the Stars wars movie out?' Hmmmm.

Then the other kid comes in. He put some more thought into his routine and handed me a towel, pointed to my hands and made a rubbing gesture with his (dry your hands) and then stuck his hair in my face (feel my hair, I need more conditioner).

Then the husband walks in, chatting away. At that point I got out of the bath. Most exhausting bath I've ever had!

New Year Decisions

It's nearly time for me to return to work for the new year. I've had a bit more time off than usual due to my abdominal surgery but after the kids return to school next week, I'll be back to work the week after.

I have a few decisions to make regarding my work this year. I normally have two jobs, one as a full time lecturer in Education and another as a relief teacher with children with special needs and early childhood children. I'm not sure how I'll go lecturing as I haven't attempted to take a class since going deaf. Now that I have the cochlear implant, lecturing will be easier, obviously, but I'm not sure it will be the same. I'm yet to discover the strategies I'll have to employ to get the job done.

My other job as a relief teacher is a bit tricky. In WA, relief teachers have to work a minimum number of days each year in the state system to maintain state registration. The school where I work with children with special needs in a state school. The school where I teach early childhood students is a private school and I don't have to have state registration to work there. This is my problem. I really don't think I can continue to teach in early childhood. The classrooms are noisy places and young children have quiet voices and tend to mumble. No really, most young children do not speak clearly and loudly, they mumble their words and some even hang their heads while talking. They don't know how to talk to adults. Clearly, I can't teach hearing children whom I can't hear.

Anyway, the other classroom in which I teach, in special needs, has only five students and most are non-verbal. This is a bonus as a non-verbal child doesn't speak and therefore I don't have to worry about hearing them. The education assistants (teacher aides) however do speak and it is vitally important to be able to communicate with them. My other issue is that last year I heard the education assitants talking about another teacher who was hard of hearing in a, how should I say, not very nice way. Now I'm faced with returning to teach in this classroom as a deaf teacher knowing full well how the education assitants feel about deaf teachers!!

My other problem is that schools ring for relief teachers. I can't take a phone call at the moment so how do they call me for work????

What do I do?

Give up relief teaching (which I love) and therefore my teaching registration (that I've worked hard to keep) and also valuable teaching experience that contributes significantly to my lecturing job? Do I have another option?  I don't know that I do ............................

The Hairdressers

One activity that is difficult when wearing a cochlear implant is going to the hairdressers. Since I went deaf in August 2011 I haven't been to the hairdressers. Yes, that's six months. No, I haven't let myself go. My husband has been giving me a regular trim (he's a trained hairdresser) and my kind sister-in-law (also a trained hairdresser) has been putting a natural colour through my hair. For the new year though, I felt I needed to bite the bullet and have a make-over so I booked myself in to the hairdressers for the full works. I knew that once I had the colour dye put on my hair I would have to take off my cochlear implant and the rest of the appointment (3 hours) I would be deaf. I was sure to tell the hairdresser everything I wanted before I took the CI off!
I had to start lip reading again and it was a challenge because I was looking in the mirror, reflection lip reading!
When the hairdresser had cut my hair and dried it, I put my CI back on while she styled my hair. I just had to keep an eye on those hot tongs to make sure she didn't melt my magnet. Whenever she ran the comb through my hair it would catch on my wire and pull the CI off.
We both survived the experience and and I was able to tick another thing off my "Deaf To Do List". I'm slowly ticking them all off and also crossing out the things that I can never do again (go through a fast food drive-thru for example!). x

Audi

Another audi appointment yesterday. She reported that I'm hearing soft sounds better than ever which is very useful during conversations. My processing of loud sounds has not changed that much. I'm nearly at the three month mark since having the CI turned on so I can expect more changes in the quality of sound that I hear for another nine months yet. In a few months I'll be having a hearing test to see how well my brain is processing sounds using the CI. This will be interesting.
I had to go to the shops today for a few things so I had a quick shower, dressed, dried my hair and left the house. I started up the car and had a feeling I'd forgotten something. I checked for my sunglasses, purse, mobile phone, all there, and then suddenly I remembered - my CI!!! Could have been a problem in the shops, "sorry, I've left my ear at home so I can't hear you".

Where would we be without support?

In my earlier posts I mentioned how wonderful and supportive my work colleagues have been since I went deaf in August. Yesterday, I was short listed for a training award and the person who nominated me for the award was one of my colleagues. The interview panel sent me a copy of the nomination she wrote and I was so touched that she mentioned how I'd continued to work on a big project while going through the trauma of going deaf and having the CI surgery. I'm sure anyone in my postion would do the same but it's so nice to be recognised. So, thank you Jo, your continued support means the world to me. x

Good Clear Sounds

Good clear sounds today, well, better sounds anyway. It always sounds robotic but I remind myself that I am using a computer to hear so that is to be expected. I have another tune-up this week (tomorrow) so I'm really looking forward to seeing what my progress looks like on my auditory maps. These show me how my range of sound are increasing over the weeks/months. It's really interesting. I can now hear about half of what a hearing person hears in their one ear, so a 1/4 overall of what a hearing person hears. This doesn't sound like much but to a deaf person who started with about 5% distorted residual hearing, it's amazing.
On a side note, I'm recovering well from my recent abdominal surgery. I feel like I've had to start over twice in the last six months! While I'm usually an active person, having the two surgeries so close together has slowed me down and I'm keen to get moving again. I have to wait a whole six weeks before I can run again. Oh well, I've done it before, I'll do again (hopefully for the last time in a while).

Five Months

It's been five months since going deaf. Sometimes, I still can't believe it. I'll wake up in the morning and think "holy crap, I'm actually deaf and this will last forever". My hearing can't get any worse as it's already as bad as it gets. It's so final; there is no treatment like an illness, no magic cure (although you could argue that the CI is a cure but, not really), no special medicine, this is it. For the rest of my life I will listen to people talk via an artificial device attached to my skull. It's a fairly major "holy crap" moment.

I've taught myself to shake these thoughts as quickly as possible, it would be too easy to dwell on what I've lost instead of thinking about what I've still got. xx

Daily Routine

This is my summer holiday daily routine:

7.00am: Wake up, silent. The sun or my family wake me up. I refuse to use a vibrating alarm clock. Usually my youngest son will start putting together my CI for me so he can talk to me. When I'm switched on I give the thumbs up and usually say "talk".

7.30am: Normal daily family breakfast choas.

7.40am: Read the papers with CI turned off so I can read in peace without anyone chatting or the TV interrupting my thoughts. Bliss.

8.00am: Head to the beach. Spend 10 minutes preparing CI in a plastic cover and then tuck it into a headband that I've cut a slit in so the CI can be tucked inside the fabric. Then I place my sunglasses (ones that have thin arms) over the headband and then a hat over that. My hat can't be too tight as it has to sit over the magnet.

8.15am: Beach. I don't swim at the beach anymore. Obviously I can't wear my CI swimming and if I take it off and swim I can't replace it while my hair is wet. To swim, I would have to leave the CI at home which I'm not comfortable doing yet, especially when I'm with people who usually want to talk to me (family and friends, we have a very social beach). I have to miss out on something when going to the beach so I'd rather have social interaction and listen to the sound of the waves and kids laughing than go for a swim. Often, I'll go for a beach run and leave Steve and the kids to their swimming.

10.00am: Home from the beach. Showers. I have to shower without the CI and it can't be replaced until my hair has been dried. It is more than likely that someone will want to speak to me while in the shower or while I'm drying my hair. We use lip-reading and signing during this grooming period. When my hair is dry and I'm all plugged in again there is usually a line waiting to talk to me. I give the command "talk" and we are away again.

2.00pm: Movie time. I will either watch a movie by myself plugged into the TV via my audio cable or watch a movie with the kids using the subtitles. Sometimes we will go to the cinema which is not too bad as long as it's a kids movie as they are easier to follow. Adult movies are too fast! My battery usually goes flat about half way through the movie - Murphy's Law.

6.00pm: Evening meal. We all sit down together to eat but I find it very difficult to hear during this time. Normally I'd chat to the kids, ask them questions etc but since going deaf this is such a chore as I can't keep the conversation flowing. I guess it doesn't hurt that my family have to learn to take turns speaking as the only way I can hear clearly is when there is no background noise, at all!

8.00am: Put kids to bed. I have the pleasure of reading to the youngest and hearing him say "I love you" and chatting to my eldest. These times are precious hearing times.

9.00am: My bed time by which time I fall into bed exhausted (yes, even on holidays). Put CI in drying box and turn it on, and put battery in charger. Everything is silent again.

New Sound

I've been a bit frustrated with my sound quality today as everything sounds like I'm in a large concrete tunnel. As you can imagine, this makes it difficult to focus on what people are saying. I was due for a tune-up this week but had to cancel it due to the hysterectomy surgery, so I thought this might explain the problem. However, as the day has worn on I've realised that what has changed in the actual sound I'm hearing is less like a robot sound (which is what I've heard since the chipmunks died) and more natural.
 I'm alone in the house at the moment and I'm chatting away to myself to listen to a voice that is as close to a natural voice as I've heard since August 2011. Even my dog sounds like a real-life dog when she barks!
 It still sounds a little robotic but more like a voice recording than a computer synthiesized voice. I guess, like I remember an answering machine sounds like. To those with hearing, listening to the world as an answering machine would be dreadful (um, yes), but when the alternative is silence with the odd popping sound, who wouldn't choose the answering machine?

Seems that each week brings small but significant changes and I can't wait to see (or hear) what will happen in the next month.

World's Smartest Computer

I've arrived home safely from hospital to find a parcel from Cochlear in the mailbox. For the rest of my life now I will be receiving these little parcels with various accessories in them to keep me hearing. On a regular basis I need to order implant batteries (I try to use the rechargeable batteries as often as possible but the disposable ones last longer), drying capsules and various replacement parts for my implant. In five to seven years I'll also have to consider replacing the whole thing with an upgrade. It sounds like I'm talking about a personal computer, which I guess I am in a way. My CI has it's own insurance, needs regular cleaning, runs off powerful batteries,needs regular tuning and can do things no human can - sounds like a computer to me! The only difference is that this computer is part of my body and without it I cannot lead the life I choose to lead. To me, it's the most valuable computer in the world and as such, I treat it with special care. So with the batteries and drying capsules I ordered my CI a new leopard skin cover, should go nicely with my new shoes!

Post surgery

Well, I've come out the other end of my first surgery experience using my cochlear implant. I must say, it went surprisingly well. It helped that the nurses hadn't seen a cochlear implant before and were really interested in how it worked. I taught the recovery nurse how to use it before going into surgery so she could put it on me after surgery. Just before I was put to sleep I whipped it off and put it in its little box and the next thing I know I'm in the recovery room wearing my CI.
I've had a bit of trouble hearing the nurses in my room but they have placed a deaf sign above my bed and they seem fine repeating themselves. I also let the night shift nurse know when I'm removing the CI for the night so they know to touch me to wake me for night obs. Visitors are very hard to hear but usually I do the talking (telling them all about the surgery - hysterectomy).
I'm on a maternity ward so I must say that I feel a bit smug taking the CI out at night while all the poor tired mums have to listen to babies crying all night! There have to be some advantages, right?!

Surgery

Tomorrow I'm off to hospital again for abdominal surgery. I have planned to wear my CI right up until they put me to sleep (which is usually quickly as I chat too much just before a surgery, nervous habit). I'm planning to give very clear instructions that the CI is to stay in the theatre with me so I have it in recovery. I'm sure if I should show the nurse how to turn it on and put it on my head or ask them to wake me first and then I'll put it on myself.
My other thought is during the night when normally I wouldn't wear the CI, (should come in handy in a noisy hospital ward) but with the nurses coming in every few hours for observations maybe I should wear it to sleep. I can just imagine having to say "wait", (turn on CI), "OK, talk", every few hours.
Will post post-surgery and report.

Days Ahead

During the past five months I've had good days and bad days. I usually have a few bad days per week and I have to make an effort to lift myself out of them. I guess it's a process of mourning for my own personal loss. This week however, I haven't had any bad days and I've stayed generally happy so I'm encouraged that I've come through the worst.
I still have little daily struggles and I'm still learning how to live as a deaf person with a cochlear implant. My family are also learning.
On my way to the supermarket yesterday my eldest son says to me, "I have a tip for you mum, when you get to the register, look at the person serving you and watch their lips because they usually talk to you and you ignore them". Yeh, thanks for that.
So, we get to the register and both boys are ready, the eldest says, "now watch" and the youngest is quiet standing next to me ready to tap my arm when I'm spoken to (that's his regular strategy but he doesn't even realise he does it). Sorry to say, it works, the person at the register asks me how I am and I respond like a hearing person. While I appreciate my kids helping me out with my new disability it does sometimes make me feel a little helpless, a little like a child.