You'll realise why I've called it a debacle (Collins Dictionary: an overwhelming defeat) in a minute.
I arrived at my work Christmas lunch early as planned. I had my name ticked off the list, was given my little card with my pre-ordered vegetarian menu on it and spotted an empty table. Even better, the tables are rectangle which is perfect (round tables are a nightmare), yes! I make a bee-line straight for the far right chair which means nobody can sit on my right side and my CI side is facing the rest of the table. Perfect. Then one of my colleagues pops up in front of me, " Jane, over here, we already have a table". Damn. Move over to their table, spy the far right chair and it's empty, problem is, my colleagues are sitting further down the table, about four chairs down. Think quick. I have two choices. Choice one is to sit next to them and pray that the person sitting on my right side is mute and doesn't like any social contact. Choice two is to look like an idiot and take the far right chair leaving a gap of four chairs between us. Take the idiot choice and then have to explain why I've chosen to sit four chairs away when they look at me strangely. Surely they've spent the last 24 hours planning how to accomodate my deafness like I have? I'm shocked to realise that not everyone's life revolves around my deafness. Anyway, my kind, understanding colleagues move up happily and leave a space for my husband on my left side (CI side). I'm feeling good, I don't have to worry about the right side, there is no chair there and no chance of anyone ending up there. I don't have to worry about the left side as my husband is sitting there and he doesn't expect any stimulating conversation from me. I spot someone I know walk in and practically fall over myself to get them to sit opposite me. I know I can lipread them if needed.
I'm feeling confident and then I realise that I can't hear a thing, not a single word, oh, except for the (deafening?) background noise that sounds a bit like I'm standing under a jetfighter with it's engines on full. Here we go.............
The lunch lasts three hours, three hours of nodding and smiling and making excuses to leave the conversation (lucky the toilets are nice). I have one conversation that lasts twenty minutes and I have no idea what it was about. A few people try to talk loudly in my CI microphones but this is worse as shouting is distorted by the CI and I can't see their face as they are leaning towards my ear so I can't lipread. I don't blame them when they give up, I would too. Three exhausting hours of pretending that everything is normal, I feel defeated.
As I'm leaving I hug a few of my colleagues and wish them a merry Christmas. One of them says to me "you are my inspiration, I need you to know that". I don't hear a thing for three hours but I hear that.
